Maya and Zer0's Big Adventure With Commander Shepard
by Cat the Alien
Summary: Like it says on the title; a very big Adventure in the ME2 world. Our Favorite Siren and Assassin had wind up in the Purgatory by crashing into it. Only to escape during a prison riot by taking Commander Shepard hostage when he meets Jack. Rated T for various things that includes Jack's potty mouth. Zer0 X Maya pairing.
1. How did we get here?

-**ONE**-

HOW DID WE GET HERE AGAIN?

PART I

* * *

**"Zer0?**"

"Yes Maya?"

"Remind me how did we end up here?"

The assassin didn't reply to her question. He simply sat on the floor. Ellipses were displayed on his face; he too didn't know how they end up here as well. However, to be bluntly honest, it was their fault in the first to be locked up in a capsule-like-cell. They shouldn't haven't killed those guards in the first place, but it was actually Maya the Siren who had taken things personal. Zer0 only killed them because he was bored. However, he just realized that he shouldn't have done that. The reason why? It was very stupid of him making a rookie mistake. The number one principle that every assassin should know was everything must be timed perfectly. Or else, you're screwed; to which they had paid the price for by having their weapons, shield, ECHOs, SDU'S and Zer0's digi-sword confiscated from their possession. The only thing they had now was Decepti0n and Maya's book. Why they'd left her a book? Probably because they believed Sirens were fiction. That's the reason why Maya had taken it so personally, because all for a petty insult from two-aliens who had detained them.

"You should have not done that/ it was pretty foolish of you/ you're better than that." The assassin spoke in haiku. It was an eccentricity Maya had gotten used to during their times as Vault Hunters.

"Yeah. I know." Maya agreed to his statement. "It was pretty damn stupid of me to take out my anger like that." She shrugged.

"That's an understatement." Zer0 retorted. It sounded somewhat sassy, however his voice had always been monotone.

"Hey, I'm sorry if I'm overprotective about my lineage." She snapped. "Besides, It's cool being labeled as a Siren; interrogation were a lot easier when they think that they going to get thrown out the window."

"I thought you hated that title/ you said that it was inhuman/ why the change of heart now?"

"I don't know?" She shrugged. She said the title she recieved was less elegant. Probably Biotics was their version of Siren's, albeit these Biotics weren't rare. Apparently, some of the prisoners in this jail they were in have similar powers. Except, unlike the conventional Siren, they don't have glowing tattoos. Instead, what they have is a glowing aura around them.

"Also, this dog collar is really annoying." She explained. She poked at the metal chocker around her neck. The device is used to cancel out her Siren powers, and also, it hurts when you tilt your neck to the side.

"I pity you." He coldly spoke with a sad emoticon on his face. Even though (to her own knowledge) Zero can't feel any emotions. It was nice of him to take some consideration.

"Yeah, thanks." She casually replied. "God I'm so bored."

"I know." Zer0 replied. " I need to kill someone already."

"Yeah. I feel you." Maya replied; she began to lie down on the bed she was sitting on. She had told Zer0 not to disturb her as she closed her eyes and began to recollect her thoughts about how they ended up in this prison cell.

* * *

**Rewind back to the past; Maya and Zer0 were in a small space shuttle.** Reason why is that they were searching for something: Planets that had contained Vaults within them.

Maya and Zer0 were chosen for this assignment because one: they were both experienced in outer space travel. Two: Maya wanted to know more about her Siren lineage from these Vaults. Three: Axton, Gaige and Salvador wanted to steal some stuff out of Zer0's stash- a warehouse somewhere in Sanctuary. Lastly, four: Zero was very, very bored. Especially after they took down The Warrior, nothing had been exciting since then. Apart from treasure hunting with (and against) Captain Scarlett, Hunting with Sir Hammerlock and killing Piston during Mr. Torgue's campaign. The latter adventure, however, is something that is not-openly talked about amongst the Vault Hunters. Apart from Gaige and Salvador; those two had a good time, especially when they were doing most of the driving and road killing.

Maya shudder when that image came to mind. They had died at least four-times due to reckless driving. Zer0 asked what's wrong with a simple (?) on his helmet. Maya dismissed him by saying, "It was nothing. I'm just cold, that's all."

"Shall I turn up the heat?" Zer0 inquired. His hand was hovering above the temperature controller.

"No. I'm fine." Maya replied. She explained that she didn't want to die by being burnt to death. The shuttle they were traveling in was simply a tin-can made out of salvaged parts; so technically, in terms of construction, they were flying in a potential death trap.

"Then I'll keep quiet then." Zero replied. His helmet was aimed towards the windshield, but it's difficult to tell where Zer0 eyes are pointing at sometimes. Especially when he (theoretically) doesn't have a face.

Maya doesn't reply to his statement; she was too busy pinpointing where they are now. Space was a vast unknown, so it was best to know where you are.

"Well according to the Map." She explained, "The nearest Vault is some light-years away from Pandora. Cross-referencing with a Galactic Eridium map I stole from Hyperion, the coordinate for a large Eridium deposit is correlated accordingly to the Vault map."

Zer0 didn't reply to her explanation. He was either deliberately trying to ignore her or he was to focused on driving. She didn't bothered to ask if he listened; She'll quiz him after they find this Vault planet.

"So… Zer0." She spoke in her casual tone. "What are you going to do once we land?"

"Land where?" Zer0 calmly replied. "Because Maya, I don't see a planet."

"Huh? What are talking about?" Maya asked. An eyebrow was arched to indicate an alarmed emotion.

Zer0 simply lifted a finger and pointed it out the window. Maya slowly turned her head out when a feeling of ominous had sunk into her skin.

What she saw was not a planet. Consequently, what was right in front of their space shuttle was a very, very large object hovering in space. It was long in width and was tall as a mountain. In the middle was a glowing blue core with gyroscopic rings spinning around. Maya shouted Zer0 to stop, but he didn't respond. She punched him in the face; but it didn't work on him.

"Zero. For Gods sake. STOP!" She screamed.

"I'm trying. But there are no breaks for the ship."

* * *

**Back at Pandora, in a room somewhere** in Sanctuary, Axton and Gaige were busy playing Poker. So far Gaige was winning and had a pile of loot behind her chair. However, a thought had popped in her head as though she realized something.

"Hey Axton?" the Mechromancer asked.

"Yeah Gaige?" The commando replied.

"Have we forgotten anything?" She inquired.

"I don't know." The older man nonchalantly shrugged. "Did we forget to feed Kreig?"

"Nah. I gave him some Skag steaks awhile ago." The teenager spoke. She had asked Axton if he had anything else to loose besides the clothes on his back and his beloved turret.

"Hm…" He spoke as he browsed his echo. The only thing he had in his possession was some unknown part.

"I only have this left." He digitized the object. Giage had told him to put it on the table next to the pile of cash she was betting on.

"Are you sure your ready for this?" Gaige grinned devilishly. She lightly commented that he was one lose away from his dignity. Axton retorted that he feels lucky as he placed his cards on the table.

"Ha! Beat this." He mocked, pride and all. His manly demeanor began to wobble as the Mechromancer began to laugh.

"Who feels lucky now?" She announced. His jaw simply dropped when she placed her cards on the table. It seemed as though she had won this round once more.

"Now we get to the fun part." She snickered. Winnings were collected with her open arms. The part, known as the shuttle break, was simply thrown into the pile to be forgotten. Only to remembered when Mordecai comes by and asked if they had given the said break to Ellie yet.

* * *

**Meanwhile back towards the couple's doom.** Maya asked if he was serious.

"Would I ever lied to you?" he calmly asked.

"Is this really the time for cryptic remarks!" She shouted.

"No. I don't think so." Zer0 spoke, he seemed thoughtful despite the current circumstances they were in. Their shuttle was about to collide with the great unknown. It would probably be incinerated into ashes due to how bright that core was. Zer0 regretted to come on this trip, however, somewhere deep inside of him. He simply wanted to end his existence. Life had become a bore now; what's the point of living? They say that everything was best "Short and Sweet." It was a philosophy he could agree upon. However, as he looked towards the side, he could see another regret.

Maya was considered to be his partner in crime; the yin of his yang; the aggressor of his passive attitude. A friend you could call it, and a very close one as well. Despite setting a certain distance between them, he wanted to get closer with her. However, according to the Assassin's rule book: You should never be close to anyone. They could be exploited as your weakness; the person who had caused your death. He /She could be the victim you must save or your killer. It was considered to be a taboo to form a relationship with anyone, especially when it's in a form of sexual tension. He had his fair share of experiences during his time as a Vault Hunter on Pandora, but it was not to perfect time to divulge in those kinds of emotions. Maya was now taking the wheel.

"Steer the ship damn it!" She called out. She grabbed the steering wheel with both hands and tried to steer away from the thing.

Crack

"It broke." Zer0 deadpanned. Maya simply looked at with disbelief. That's what you get when you make a ship from scraps. She'd simply throw the wheel, got up, and walked to the back of the shuttle.

Zer0 only watched her moved as their impeding doom comes closer. It was kind of sad for her to give up all of a sudden. The Maya he knew was a strong willed woman. However, you may call it human nature since it's normal for people like her to be afraid of death. The only thing he could do was leave her alone, but he chose not to as he got up and walked to the back with her.

She sat there; in the dark; with her knees near her face. The strands of blue hair had covered her face. Eyes were looking down, and still looking down as he came closer. She didn't bother looking up once he was down at her height.

"Hey Zer0?" she asked out of the blue. "I know we have died before, but…" She looked up towards him as though he held the answers. "What do you think on dying for real? Are you sad, happy, angry or just simply indifferent?"

Zer0 simply stared at her. He didn't want to answer her question. Despite the fact he already had an answer to that kind of question. It was probably due to insensitivity to the now vulnerable Siren. All he wanted now was to tell her it would be all right, even though the situation was now inevitably grim. He wants to be her shinning light in the darkness; the person who would always stayed on her side no matter what. However, he knows that he's not that type of person, but there was no harm on trying.

So taking her by her surprise like his kill. He embraces her in a hug. Despite the fact he was already wearing a helmet. She could feel the warmth of his breathe; the sound of his voice; the tingling sensation in her ear when the wind of his voice blows at it, and lastly the words.

"Don't be afraid my Cherry Blossom/ I'm here for you/ even when the impending storm threatens to break us apart/ I would always stand by your side no matter what."

Maya, for the first time ever in her life, was surprised by the bravado he made. This act, this sign of empathy, had made him almost human in a way. Especially his voice; this was the first time she had heard his actual voice. There were no emotions to describe it and there were no words to say. She simply hugged, embraced, and leaned her forehead against his shoulder. Tears began to flow as their doom draws in closer. Zer0 only could do now was tighten the hug. At least she was close with him.

"Thanks Zer0." She spoke, a sign of happiness lingered in her words. Those were the last words she spoke before their shuttle was engulfed in a bright light.

* * *

-**TO BE CONTINUED**-


	2. You destroyed my station

**-TWO-**

PART II

YOU DAMAGED MY STATION; I'M PUTTING YOU IN PRISON

* * *

**In the Purgatory, life was like a cycle of profit.** The processes were always the same except with a few minor setbacks to the criminal market. It mainly consists of planets sending their criminal, planets paying for the criminal's fees; buyers take interest in said criminal and bid for the highest amount. What the winning buyer does afterwards is beyond Warden Kuril's jurisdiction. He's was trying to make the galaxy a better place for all sentient species to live. However, to make the galaxy a better place, he needed the creds to make it. "I think there used to be a human saying: if you can't make the cut, we have to let you go." He spoke. He always percept himself as an educator; his students were politicians, but they were also delinquents to him as well. This meant that they needed some disciplining.

How? Release the murders, arsonist and sociopaths they had sent. Action does speak louder than words. These politicians have to suffer the consequences for the acts they didn't make. This was part of the education experience to teach people the dangers of the galaxy.

It also helps him show them that he's the only one capable of keeping them safe from harms way. "Intimidation is always the best way to convince people." A human once spoke. Especially when it helps generate a constant income for the Purgatory

However, today wasn't one of those profitable days due to the damage that occurred. This is the second biggest lost since the 'Jack' incident, but wasn't the most severe case.

Unlike Jack, when she first came here, She nearly destroyed the prison ship into two. Several thousands of guards and criminals had lost their lives to that 'psychotic maniac'; it was a total fiasco for Warden Kuril, but the most profitable as well. The reason why is that Jack worth more than all the people that died in her rampage combined; apparently several planetary governments and their home worlds wanted her to be contained in the Purgatory. A Salarian colony even donated a cryo-stasis tube while one religious Hanar group submitted 3 YMIR Mechs due to Jack 'defiling' there moon with a space station. The no-questions-policy was applied to that because Warden Kuril didn't want to know how she managed to crash a space station into the moon. Especially when it was Batarian.

"The Bitch is Crazy!" A nearby guard spoke.

That was definitely true.

* * *

**BOOM!**

"Sector Thirteen has been damaged; potential hull breach identified."

"Status report!" Warden Kuril demanded. He just entered the control room where the engineers and mechanics were busy trying to identify on who or what had caused the damage. So far, the Warden had found out it was external from one of the engineers. However, that didn't answer his question on who made the damaged on the Purgatory.

"An unidentified shuttle had collided with us," an engineer explained. He was engaging the lock down system at Sector Thirteen.

"Why didn't our sensors picked up on this?" he hissed. Saliva was sprayed on to the engineers face.

"Well one…" The turian spoke. He calmly wiped off the spit from his face. "The shuttle we identified is smaller than the average shuttle according to our readings. Second, it was probably going to fast for the sensors to pick it up. Third, you won't believe me saying this, but… From our readings we got from Sector Thirteen, there is no Element Zero detected on the shuttle at all."

The Warden gave him a perplexed look. He was skeptical on how the second and third contradict each other. An elaboration was needed to give him better sense on what the engineer explained. So he asked him to clarify on what did he mean that the shuttle was Element Zero free.

"If you look at this screen…" The turian explained. He pointed his claw to a picture of the crashed shuttle from the external cameras. "We identified the design to human. However, it was one that originated before they had founded Element Zero on Mars. Space worthy, but not as effective as the conventional space shuttle we use in this modern age."

"Okay, the thing can fly." The Warden nodded. "But, how does it relate to your probability that it was going too fast?" The Warden questioned.

"I believe it's the way how it was built." The engineer spoke. He pointed back to the screen again and asked the Warden to take a closer look as he explains.

"As far as the reading show, the ship is made by a multitude of materials. Majority of the materials are metals used to build the typical space shuttle. However, our readings pointed out that there had been 'patchwork fixing' on the shuttle. It means there were a bunch of holes that were covered by a multitude of different lightweight metals."

"Can you put it simple terms." The Warden sighed.

"It means that the shuttle was extremely too light to travel through the Mass Relay. Thus, the collision with the Purgatory." The Turian spoke. "However, the question left is. Why not give the mass reading of the ship? It would have avoided the collision in the first place."

Those words had stirred something in his head. A thought had suddenly emerged. He asked the engineer to repeat those words, and suddenly, he had announced that they were being attacked by an unknown enemy. (Or whats left of them.)

* * *

**"Urgh…" **were the first words that had came out of her mouth. She had found herself sprawled all over a metal floor. Her shoulders were aching; limbs felt heavy. A throbbing headache was beating against the ceiling of her skull like a drum. She had asked herself if Salvador had spiked her drink again as she slowly pulled herself up into a sitting position.

"Maya?" A voice had asked. The Siren had recognized Zer0's monotone.

"Yeah?" She replied while rubbing her forehead. Eyes were still closed as thoughts began to make circle around her forehead. "_What happened last night?" _The blue-haired woman had asked herself, but it was shortly interrupted by the sound of the Assassin's voice.

"Maya. I have to tell you something." Zero had asked once more. There was a sense of urgency despite how calm and aloof he sounded. The hangover must be screwing her hearing, because she was hearing things that sounded like unintelligible murmurs.

"God. I must be wasted." She bitterly laughed. Her hand was raised and made a salute. "Thanks Salvador. The midget who got me drunk." She mocked. "God my head is freaking killing me." She groaned.

"Maya."

"Yeah?" She asked. Her head had turned to the direction of his voice. Eyes popped open and expected to see the masked (or was helmeted) Assassin. Instead, what she got was the barrel of an assault rifle. She looked up and saw the owner of the said assault rifle.

Four eyes, green skin and wearing blue armor with a sun logo printed on the plate torso. The best words she could describe about her shooter was that he appeared, or was, an alien. He even had jagged teeth when he smiled and greeted in its alien language. "Is it guy?" she had asked herself, because it definitely sounded one to her hearing

"We got visitors." Zer0 calmly spoke. His message was given quiet late. Maya tilted her head to the side and saw behind the alien was Zer0 and two other alien-looking-people wearing helmets that obscured their face. Zer0 was cuffed and bound to a chair next to the shuttle console. How they managed to do that was a complete puzzle, and also meant that they were in big trouble. However, right before she was manhandled, she remembered something about last night. She was definitely not drunk; instead she was supposed to die by that thing the shuttle was about to crash into. She remembered vividly about the bright blue light; the grim despair; Zer0 trying to comfort her while embracing each other with a hug. The warmth of his actual breath still lingers near her ear. The coldness of his body was still with her, and the sound of his voice had echoed in his mind. Usually, there would be in some drama at this segment. Since we broke the fourth wall with that statement. We go back to what Maya just said.

"God. Someone don't tell me this is not a dream." She sighed as more guns began to aim at her.

* * *

**The room they were lead to was large and had rows of chairs. **Maya and Zer0 figured that this was the processing room. Especially when the two aliens had forced them to sit on the said chairs. They even shackled their arms and feet to the chair to prevent them from escaping. However, they met little resistance and thought these two were strange. In normal circumstances, one was to expect some hostility when forcing someone to do something against their will. One of them even prepared to shatter Zero's mask because he resisted. "What a bore." He the guard sighed as he waited for the Warden to come.

"_What do we have here?" _Warden Kuril asked. He just arrived in the room where the two attackers were located. Surprisingly, he expected more of them- and also some hostility. These two were rather behaved in a Purgatory standard. However, they were the most mixed up couple he ever seen. The woman had blue eyes and matching hair cut into a fashionable bob, wore a yellow leotard with black and grey accents. One sleeve of the leotard covered her whole armed with a glove attachment. The other arm that was, which was not covered, had intricate tattoo's that matched the same shade of blue to the woman's hair and eyes. On closer inspection, he figured that the tattoo had at least covered half of her body. However, it's hard to tell due to the grey cargo pants and yellow shoes that that covered feet. A book was attached to her belt.

The man however, in simple terms was completely blank. He was tall as a typical Turian (six feet or so) and had a lanky figure. His body armor was completely grey from head to toe and had worn a helmet that reminded him a mixture of Quarian helmet with a Turian head-outline. Albeit, more sleek regarding in design and lacked a head clothe or a mouth piece to talk.

"_What are your names?" _He asked.

"What did he say?" The woman asked.

"I don't know." The male shrugged.

"_I repeat. What are your names?"_ The Warden repeated. His mandibles were flicking; his teeth were gritting. He did always have short fuse, but he was a patient man.

"He sounds angry?" The helmet-man questioned. He tilted his head to right in a curious fashion.

"How can you tell?" The woman asked her companion. He explained, that he can read body language.

"_CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME AN EXPLANATION WHY THESE NITWITS CAN'T ANSWER!"_

His voice echoed throughout the room. It caused everyone- especially the couple- to be dead silent. There was a sense uncomfortable feeling floating throughout the room. Maya could swear that she could see most of the guards were sweating bullets from inside their helmets. However one meek, but brave (or idiotic) person spoke out. He took a step and explained that their coms translators could be out from the crash.

Warden Kuril regained his composure; he stood up straight, coughed, and says why didn't he say so earlier on.

"Well, you never asked." The technician answered. He seemed as though he was bracing for the worst to come.

"Uh-huh." Warden Kuril nodded without care. He simply asked him to scan them immediately.

"Okay." The Technician nodded. He stepped forward beside Zer0 ("_what a fool_" he muttered) and held up a device. It reminded them a hybrid of a holographic interface and a mechanical glove with two circular hoops attached. It emitted an orange light and electronic sounds as he begins to type on it. Seconds later, he holds it in front of them and makes a swiping gesture in the air.

"Strange?" he says; an eyebrow was arched. There was a skeptical look he gave to his analyzing results.

"What is it?" the Warden asked.

"Well, first, their coms are appearing to be in working order. However, the second one states there are no translation software in the girl's one."

"What?" Maya asked with shocked and surprised. She turns her head to the side and had given her companion the evil eye. "So you knew what he understands all along you bastard."

"Yes." Zer0 spoke; ( :) ) was formed on his helmet face. "I was bored/ I needed a joke/ your face was priceless/ I wished I had brought a camera"

"Did that guy speak in Haiku?" the technician asked.

"Yes. Yes he did." Maya replied out of annoyance. She looked liked as though she was about to kill somebody. Even though it was the norm in the Purgatory; the tech took a few steps back for his own safety. However, he needed to get into a closer range when the Warden had ordered him to insert a translator into the girl's comm. So with great reluctance- and some distance, the tech raised his device (known as a omni-tool) and swiped it near her ear before doing some more typing.

"There…" The Tech spoke. Satisfied with his work. He looked back to the Warden and asks him to speak to them now.

"Can you hear me?" He asked politely like a curios child. Maya said yes while Zer0 simply nodded.

"Good. Now who the hell are you people?"

"Who wants to now?" Maya replied.

"The person in charge, that's who."

"Oh." Maya spoke. "_Bad move idiot." _She thought to herself.

"Zer0 and Maya." Her partner blankly spoke.

"Zer0?" Warden asked, what a strange name for a person. Especially for a human, if he is even a human at all.

"Don't ask." Maya spoke. Since the jig was up, she better ask some questions.

"Who and What are you and where the hell are we?" Maya demanded. She was making daggers out of her glares. One haughty laugh from the alien had deflected her glare, but it further increased her annoyance from him. Reason why because it had reminded her of Brother Sophis from the Order of the Impending Storm.

"I am Warden Kuril of the Blue Suns Mercenary Gang. This is my prison ship the Purgatory. What I am you should know, but probably that crash had knocked out a few brain cells from your head. I am a Turian; we come from Palaven. We're expects on all things military and such."

"Uh-huh." Maya spoke. She seemed clearly unimpressed by the way he presented himself. "_Great. Another pompous prig." _She thought. He's no different than the former Hyperion CEO- Handsome Jack(ass). Except without the douche like voice and that horrible face. She still remembered the time that she (and the other vault hunters) had to wear his face and use his voice; no-one came sane out from that ordeal, Zer0 included; but she wasn't so sure about Krieg. He's a pyscho after all.

"Anyways, you damaged my station; I'm putting you into jail. You people had wasted my time. I have a galaxy protect you two are simply stalling me from my duty. So if you weren't so kind and let us confiscate your personal belongings that might be potential hazard to your health and ours. Your process will be almost painless. Almost."

Once the Turian had spun on his heel and began to walk through the door. Their guards immediately began to work since their boss was not here to 'supervise' him.

"I get the girl…" that four eyed alien spoke. He sounded like a pervert in candy store. This was supported by the way he was touch her buttocks. Maya tried to block the sensation with her mind like how the abbey taught her how to clear her senses.

"What do we have here?" He spoke. He took out two devices that were in her back pocket. One was SDU that acted as her storage unit she used to carry her stuff. This included, weapons, ammunition, mods, shield, grenades, health and miscellaneous stuff that can be digitized easily. The other was her ECHO that acted as her HUD: It displays map, health, shield health, ammunition, weapon use, her Siren power and acts as her recorder and communication device.

"These seem dangerous; must take them away." He smiled before he carelessly threw them away. Next was her book, which was strapped on her belt.

"Hmm… a book."

"Yes. It is a book."

"Did I tell you to talk?" he hissed.

"No." she deadpanned.

"Whatever." He spoke before flipping through the pages. A few minutes later, he gave it back to her while laughing.

"Seriously, what are you, a kid? Researching on mythical beings that do not exist. Lady, you need to get a life."

"What did you say?" she growled.

"Well. I said what you are researching is completely useless. I mean. Sirens, heard about them from a human, but she told me they were myth. So why you researching something that does not exist?"

"_They do exist…" _she thought with anger. However, taking it calmly (and deadly) she asked him to repeat what he said about Sirens.

"I said: They. Do. Not. Exist."

Crack, whoosh and every guard were sucked into a biotic-esque stasis vortex. However, this one was different since it was dragging everyone (besides the two prisoners) towards it.

"What the hell is happening?" one of the guards asked. Her answer was shortly given in an orb of purple acid that was starting to sink into her armor.

"Jana." One of the guards screamed. His head was sliced off cleanly.

"Sorry, did that hurt? / That "sorry" was sarcasm / I am not sorry."

Zer0 sang as he flicked the blood off his digi-sword.

"Now lets have some fun/ Oh I miss the fun/ Its very satisfying no?"

"Yes Zer0." Maya smiled. "It's very satisfying."

Soon there were sliced limbs and melted armor as the duo began to massacre anyone alive in the room. However, before they could finish their killing spree. Pink gas began to seep in the room and clouded Maya's vision.

Slowly, she began to feel tired as her limbs began to relax; her body began to drop. Flat faced on the floor while her eyes began to droop. She heard silence gun fired and Zer0 also dropped two. Darts were embedded onto his body which meant that they used morphine to put him down. Slowly, the scenery in front of her begins to ebb away before turning into total darkness.

* * *

"And when we woke up. I had this on." Maya explained. She was wide-awake now after going through that tremendous flashback experience.

"I see." Zer0 spoke. He sat crossed legged on the floor. The two were now in total silence, but it was broken when they began to hear sirens.

"What is that?" Maya asked. There were shouts being made outside their cell.

"Chaos probably." Zer0 said calmly. The lighting had suddenly turned red.

Violent movement, a toss of their cell and suddenly they spread across their cell. Maya lifted herself up and notice that their entrance was conveniently opened.

"Seems to be a prison riot." Maya spoke, she could hear gunfire and more shouts being made.

"Then we should take advantage of the situation." Zer0 spoke before he exited the cell. "You coming?" he stopped and asked without turning around.

"What you think?" she spoke rhetorically.

"Then, we need to get out weapons."

* * *

**A/N: I admit the ending is a little rushed, but I want to get this out soon as possible. Sorry about the delay though, I was RLI to keep you inform. Anyways, it took me sometime to write this; I hope my pain would be your enjoyment. Now Q/A session from the reviews.**

**LeGoMeEGGO: I don't know how I feel about this. On one hand its nice to see another mass effect borderlands crossover, the other hand... Spelling mistakes, and Zero having emotion...**

_I would like to thank you for the review and your truthful opinion on this story. As much as I like Zer0 to be the unemotional badass he is. I'm giving him emotions for the sake of plot development; however he's still a badass 98% of the time. Estimate speaking._

**Bronzedamazon: Ya know this isn't a bad little story and you have a good idea here to build on.**

**I loved them sitting in a cell, although how they ended up in a cell together was kind of lost on me. They seem to have some kind of connection though, and I don't want to admit that it's just the blood thirsty killing they are both longing for.**

**I seem to get lost while they're floating in space on a shuttle made from scrap. I think it would need to be a ship, not a shuttle.**

**Over all it's a good story, it just needs padding- I want more dialogue between the characters, interlaced with a bit of backstory. I was left feeling like I didn't know the two of them, like I needed more in order to really relate to them and get into the story for more than a quick read.**

**Maybe the breaks can be place holders for future chapters, it's okay to have slow parts in a story, as long as the fluffy stuff is good.**

**Awesome job!**

_Thanks to take time off your busy schedule to read this story. I'm sorry if I confused you but it made sense with me at my perspective. Anyways, I appreciate the review and would take in mind of adding some more padding._

**Anyways, I hope I have not disappointed you with this chapter. If I did, I would make it up by adding more badass scenes. and a bit of fan service if you wish.**

**Goodbye and thank you for reading this chapter**

**Edit: I would like to say thank you to BlazaWolf to notice a very large mistake I made**


	3. How to kill idiots with a stone

**A/N: **Again, why I didn't post this chapter a few weeks ago? probably because I have difficulty trying to end this chapter. I'm not going to say sorry and make some excuse. Again, I'm in college and I have to do well instead of slacking off. I hope you enjoy it.

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**Warning: **The second half of this chapter briefly (& explicitly) features Mad Moxxi's assets.

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**-OMAKE-**

How to Kill Two Idiots, an Alcoholic (and Their Pyscho) With a Stone

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More common than guns; less common than things to shoot at; stupidity comes in copious amounts, especially when you live on Pandora. Mordecai knows this quiet well since he had lived on this godforsaken wasteland for two-or-so-years now. Still, stupidity is sometimes fun when it's the good kind of stupidity. The bad kind however makes you want to shoot yourself in the foot or get sucker-punched in the gut by Brick. The worst kind of the stupidity would usually require a remedy of dubstep by Claptrap. Yes, it's that bad, but not that _bad _for Mordecai's case. If that phrase didn't make any sense to you at all, Mordecai chose to get sucker punched by Brick instead of listening to Claptrap. This meant that the current situation they were suffering hadn't stooped to Claptrap level, yet. But it certainly did hurt a lot for our favorite bird-loving hunter as he gagged and coughed, "Oh God!"

His body was hunched over. Arms were wrapped around his stomach. Sweat and tears were seeping out of his eyes (and leaking out his goggles) as he moaned, groaned and panted while the pain slowly ebbs away.

"Maybe... That wasn't such a good idea."

"You think?" His female companion sarcastically remarked. She pitied Mordecai for what he just did to himself. It was his fault in the first place to go along with that idea, but all Lilith can do was gently pat him on the back as he slowly recovered from the traumatic experience. The red haired siren even commented that he should be extremely grateful for managing to still be alive without getting crippled. "Because being suckered punch in the gut by Brick is like getting hit by a speeding bullet train." Were her comforting words.

"Glad to be helpful." Brick spoke. He seemed quiet content with his handiwork. Even though the towering meathead wasn't the brightest of the original Vault Hunter trio, a part of him regretted on agreeing to his friend's wishes. Still, he took the liberty on not seriously punching him that hard. It was the weakest punch he ever did if he was to be frank about it. Unfortunately, the standards of 'normal' weak and 'Brick's' weak are very significant. In short, his punches still hurt regardless on how weak he punched.

"Anyways…" Lilith spoke. She was trying to steer back to why they were holding this meeting amongst the Vault Hunters in the first place. Apparently, Gaige and Axton had forgotten to give the space shuttle breaks to Ellie before it was completed. Those two were in hot water under the Siren's wrath. Her calm and collected demeanor wasn't helping make the situation lighter for them. To be frank, it was just making it worse, especially for Axton and more-or-less for Gaige as well. Axton was sweating bullets next her while his pits leaked out body odor like it was a broken gas pipe. The Mechromancer had to wear a nose plug and spray deodorant all over him if she were sit next to him.

"_Maybe I should've brought that giant bubble._" The teen pouted. "_Curse you Cupcake Maker Three Thousand!_"

"As you know." Lilith spoke. "Maya and Zer0 have disappeared somewhere in space. We have lost contact of their shuttle for the past forty-eight hours and they are not responding to their ECHOs whenever we were making a call."

Axton's sweat had increased to a waterfall; his armpits were emitting a green mist as though it came from that horror move: "The Fog". The words, "_Shit. Shit. Shit." _Kept on repeating rapidly inside his head until a punch managed to derail the metaphorical train of his constant cursing.

"THAT'S FOR THE PRETTY LADY!" Kreig screamed. The Pyshco has been very angry, more so than lately. Probably because the inner-part of his mind has been blaming Axton for Maya's disappearance. So it was logical for him to use the 'knock-some-sense-into-him' card as an excuse to hurt him. The inner voice even coined, "He deserve that." To show some satisfaction; Kreig agreed for once with that sane part of him. Unfortunately, the violent side of him thought the punch wasn't enough. He wanted to murder the commando by skinning him alive and poke his eye's out in a bloody galore, but unluckily for our favorite pyscho, his neck was leashed against a ceiling pipe.

"Seems like one of Maya's admirers is angry at you Ax." Gaige teased. "Way to loose the leading lady lover boy."

"How is it my fault entirely?" The Commando gaped. "You're the one that was supposed to be responsible for the damn break!"

" 'Supposed' you say." Gaige pointed. A cheeky grin was formed on her lips. It seems as though Gaige has a story to tell on how they ended up in this predicament in the first place.

"Well... I _suppose _I'm too young to handle the damn break. Or I _suppose _to be too clumsy on handling the damn break. Probably I _suppose _I could be using the damn break as part of one of my deadly upgrades for Deathtrap. Well I _suppose _it was my fault to follow one of G.I Woe's orders here on handing the damn break to him." Gaige explained. She pointed an accusatory finger towards the commander. "By the way Ax. Was it you who threw in the damn break as part of our card game? Hmm."

"She has a point." Lilith agreed. Kreig and Brick thought the same thing too. Mordecai coughed, "Ditto." With his free hand raised up. He was still recovering from the punch for the whole time.

"Anyways…" Lilith interrupted once more. The meeting was becoming a tangent for the second time in a row. "In these kind of cases. I would usually ask Brick to punish you for your stupid mistake. However, seeing that we're potentially short of hands- and brains as well- I decided that I'm sending you three- and the Pyscho- as the rescue party."

For once, Axton was relieved. He could finally now breathe with great ease. Even if his body now smelled like a mixture sweaty gym socks and industrial waste; it was a small price to pay for not ending up like a cripple without a New-U station for insurance. Although, when he thinks about the scenario he had found himself in. The idea of being confined along side with three crazies within a small shuttle had suddenly lost its appeal to him. The blonde was used to traveling with them for long distances since they first met, unfortunately, he had the other two 'sane' members of the new Vault Hunters to accompany him when it comes to these kinds of journeys. Sadly, those two have gone MIA due to his (admittedly) careless mistake.

So unofficially, as the only qualified 'sane' member of the new Vault Hunters, Axton had self-appointed himself the leader now. This meant that he has the privilege to drive with no argument. As he opened his mouth, Gaige had managed to beat him to the punch.

"Digs on driving the Awesome-ship!" Gaige called out.

"Wait. Wait. Hold on a second for a second. I think I should be the one driving the space shuttle."

"Why?" The teen asked. A small frown was formed on her lips.

"Well for starters, I'm older and more experienced than you missy. Second, You might break something with that robotic arm of yours. Third, you went joy riding with Salvador without my permission. And fourth, you have a tendency of spilling hot-coco on the dashboard. Or worse, put bubble-gum under the driver's seat."

Gaige couldn't help herself but simply eye-roll to Axton's argument. "What a lame excuse for a sore loser." She remarked. "As you know Ax, I'm a way, way, WAY, better driver than you. Remember that time you accidentally drove us over a mountain. Or how about the time you we're distracted by Moxxi's voice that we were nearly slaughtered by Motor Mama and her cohorts. And don't get me started on how you ran over those poor innocent ducks; I could still hear the cries of grieving baby ducklings from the distance."

"Really, Axton? You ran over some ducks?" Lilith questioned. The Siren had caused the Commando to fluster and ramble something incoherent. Although the finger pointing each and his pout shows that he really wanted to drive the shuttle/space-ship thing. As much as Lilith would like to help him out, she doesn't want to cause another argument to explode between the two.

She pinched her forehead and sighed to herself out of mild annoyance. _This meeting will never end unless…_

"Hey guys. Where's Salvador?"

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**Two Hours Later...**

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If searching for Salvador was like looking for money to loot on Pandora; it would be consider to be quiet easy if one were to be bluntly honest about it. Where else would you find a cannibalistic midget with Hispanic roots? The obvious answer would be at the bar of course. Especially when Mad Moxxi was running the watering joint, that woman (and her assets) can definitely draw in a huge crowd like the moth to the flame. Even the infamous Captain Scarlett asked the Vault Hunters once if the buxom beauty had talked about her. Sadly, she didn't; much to their knowledge. That woman had tons of lovers of both sides of the gender spectrum, but people had stopped counting after the divorce of her third husband, Marcus. (Or was it after her ostentatious fling with Motor Mama?)

"Need something Sugar?" the brunette suggestively asked. She was pouring Rakk-Ale into a shot glass while tending the bar at the back. Moxxi looked stunning in purple, especially when her breasts are out for show. Axton and Mordecai couldn't help themselves but stare while Lilith asked if she had seen Salvador.

"Indeed Sugar." Moxxi spoke. She turned and pointed a glove hand to the far corner. Her boobs wiggled, jiggled and shake as she made her motion. Even though Mordecai had the full show one time, he and Axton were aroused on how her tits danced. Sadly for both of them, Gaige managed to catch on what they were staring at. A slap later with her robotic hand had left a very red mark on their faces.

"At least they didn't get any nosebleeds." Lilith remarked. She pitied the middle-aged men to be entranced by Moxxi's charm. The buxom beauty was busy soothing their pain with her words as both men lazily-smiled and blushed at her. Gaige mutter, "_Typical..."_ as she gave them an eye-roll once more. Lilith had gently told her to let them be as they approached to Salvador's corner.

Despite the fact it was already two in the afternoon, Salavador was still passed out from his drinking binge. Bullet-ridden corpses surrounded his table like as though it was a fortress with a pool of blood as its grotesque moat. One unfortunate bastard had his arm removed from its socket; the said arm had found a cozy home within Salvador's cuddling figure. He slept with a smile on his face as though he was a baby sleeping in a cradle. Gaige sometimes wonders to herself on how does he sleep in night without any nightmares to haunt him.

"Hey! Wake up!" Lilith shouted. She gave a small kick to the midget's chair. Sadly for Salvador, the chair tipped over due to the sudden shift in weight. Suddenly, he woke up to find himself falling over and flailed his arms once he had landed on the blood-drenched floor. The language he used should not repeated from any mortal mouth, even if it was being shouted in Spanish and drunken slurs.

"Seems like someone woke up on the wrong-side of bed." Gaige teased. "Afternoon Salvador. How was your killing spree?"

"Did you have to ask?" Lilith retorted.

"I'm trying to lighten up the mood because of the dead bodies lying around."

"Fair enough." The red-haired Siren shrugged in response. She looked back towards Salvador was now on his feet. He greeted, "Hola señora Lilith ¿Qué necesitas" in enthusiastic tone and looked like as though he was starting to sober up.

Lilith still finds it weird when it comes to talking with Salvador. Especially his height was underneath her waistline; he was a dwarf to her. Although, living on Pandora had made her adapt to all kinds of situations that this planet throws at her. Especially when it comes to the weird ones, it had become one of her specialties for some odd reason.

"Yeah. Sup." Lilith spoke, it started off with an awkward conversation on how was he doing and if he has any plans for the day. Fortunately, Salvador had none, and asked her again if she needed anything. Lilith replied with a straightforward, "yes." Before explaining about the current situation that the Vault Hunters were in. Although, the awkwardness on directly speaking with the human dwarf gradually faded away. And surprisingly, for a man who constantly curses, shouts, drinks and shoots any poor shmuck whom looks at him wrongly with two guns. He is rather attentive when comes to listening to the major and minor details Lilith was spouting out. He even asked questions to clarify certain things he didn't understand.

"So let me get this straight. Maya and Zero are lost somewhere in the great outer space?" He repeated.

"Yes. Yes they are." Lilith nodded.

"Uh-huh... So what do you need me for?" Salvador questioned.

"Well... I need you to choose who would be the better driver? Gaige or Axton? You can't choose yourself though, or else I have to shoot you in the foot?"

"'Kay. Kay. señora, please, don't get your panties in a twist." Ushered the cannibalistic midget. "Let see... Who should I pick... Well I could always pick..."

"ME!"

"Who?" Lilith questioned. She was confused on who had interrupted their conversation. Although her answer came in form of as hook while it wrapped around her shoulder. Next, she heard Gaige exclaimed, "Captain Scarlett!" As though she was ripped off from a Scooby-Doo Cartoon.

"Who else?" The cockney Pirate replied rhetorically; her smiles were bright as usual. Although, Salvador and Gaige didn't take her sudden appearance too kindly because of their past history with her. What had stopped them from taking out their guns and shoot at her was Lilith being stuck in the middle of their crossfire. So they sticked to glaring daggers at her instead. A big question mark had formed itself on top of the red-haired Siren's head. "Whose the chick?" Lilith asked.

"Captain Scarlett." The new vault hunters mumbled.

"Nice to meet ya" Scarlet replied. She unwrapped her hook off Lilith's shoulders and did a polite bow as a greeting. Although, Gaige and Salvador did a surprise attack by pouncing at her. In return, she took a step back and made the two idiots head butt each other.

"Thought I never see that coming?" She sniggered. "To be honest; I know you two are still angry at me. So I'm here to give my sincere apologies for doing all the horrible things I did to you in the past."

"Such as back-stabbing?" Gaige remarked.

"Sorry. Old habits do die hard, but I'm improving by focusing on charity."

"Like?" Lilith questioned; arms already folded. She generally got the gist of things that these two idiots really hate the tan woman right in front of her. Although, she was kind enough not to kill them yet as she made her sudden appearance. The bow was an added bonus, so Lilith gave her a chance to give her side of the which, she had found out that Captain Scarlett is offering her services to drive a space-ship as sort of charity. She commented it was like driving a ship, except more "spacey" in her own words. Lilith was rather reluctant to give her that position over the hell-bent nature between the Mechromancer and the Commander. But, when she thinks about it: Lilith can added to the punishment pile. Although, the disturbing part was how did the fearsome pirate get such 'secret' information.

"For a robot who's under your employment: He can't keep his mouth shut." Scarlett remarked.

"Claptrap..." The yellow-eyed woman growled, Lilith is gonna teach him a lesson again.

"Anyways, Do we get a deal?"

"Yeah. Why not?"

"WHAT!" Gaige gaped. "But-But-But, the Awesome ship. It was gonna be mine!" She cried.

"Then that's your punishment." Lilith retorted, "You're not allowed to drive the spaceship. Whose fault was it to even agree with Axton's idea in the first place?"

"Fine..." Gaige sighed.

"Good." Lilith nodded; finally there was some semblance of control. She had got her conclusion, now she needed to drag Axton and Mordecai out of the bar before they drool on the floor.

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Once a back up plan incase the first mission failed (inevitably). Lilith along with Brick and Mordecai managed to salvage a Hyperion space Shuttle Tiny Tina tried to blow up. It may not be big and powerful as the ones Dahl uses. However when you thrown in two redneck mechanics, a mad scientist and some scrap metal, you get a pretty badass ship. Especially when a pin-up Lilith was painted on the side. The red-haired siren was mildly flattered… and annoyed as well, but mostly flattered.

"Seems like my charm hasn't gone out of style." Lilith spoke with high regard. "Let's hope my face doesn't be remembered as the 'bitch who wiped an entire planet".

"Relax." Ellie comforted with her Southern slang. The plump sized woman told her that the ship doesn't have the power to incinerate an entire planet.

"Just some big'ol cannon that can turned metal in melted butter."

"Oh Joy!" Exclaimed the pirate Queen. "Daddy never got me one when I turned seventeen. Instead, he tried to kill me!"

….

"Way _too_ much info Scarlett." Gaige snapped. She was still pretty pissed off by the fact she won't drive the ship.


End file.
